Just once

Just once I wasn't afraid
Just once, I promise you
Just once I should think of me
I ask heaven you could stay with me

Just once and never nothing
Just once I lost my wings
Just one I should believe you
And ask you if you want to believe me now

And now I just think about your look
It's an angel that says nothing
And doesn't want to remember
I just sing when I'm with you
Spinning around without knowing what I'm saying
And I cannot breathe

Just once and it is almost nothing
Just once in love
Just once I promise to believe
And I wouldn't say anything before dawn could break

Just once and I no longer want to
Just once stepping on the ground
Just once I took the courage
To this love that doesn't talk about the two of us

And now I just think about your look
It's an angel that says nothing
And doesn't want to remember
I just sing when I'm with you
Spinning around without knowing what I'm saying
And I cannot breathe

Disapointment

Feel horrible!! Last friday would be the best. My friend was feeling very positive about his problem, so I thought every went perfect, until I saw her :( It was strange at first, but then I thought we just had to have fun... The problem was that she left us alone! We didn'k know anybody, so we went by our own. Then she appeared like nothing happened and telling us that she'd called us like ten times. It wasn't our fault, because the music was very loud. The thing is that she left us alone again!!! I couldn't believe!!! I felt very disappointed and I wanted to run away, but I didn't and at the end we had the best time. The thing is that nobody would take this feeling away from me :(

Fear

Today's the day. Don't know what will happen. I'll see her today. It'll be a difficult and strange situation, cos I'll see her sorrounded by all her friends and I'll see him :/ I wish she couldn't introduce me as her ex, it'll be very uncomfortable

Quotes

"Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk."

"Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made."

"I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?
I saw him, and I had no will to fight."

" Goodbye, I love you, was my last thought."

" I'd never seen anything more beautiful — even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived."

"But I wasn't so stupid as to think that saving him would mean that I could stay with him. I was no different, no more special than I'd been before. There would be no new reason for him to want me now. Seeing him and losing him again.

"I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save his life. I would pay it."

Hope

Mr. Tulio: I'm writting to you because I have to tell you something very important. I'm really tired! Sometimes I think I'm gonna give up, but I realize it is not my problem. Anyway, today I wanna talk about her. Don't know what's going on. Sometimes I think she's back again, but then I feel like it's impossible, that I'm loosing her again. Last night she was in my dreams and it was the best dream!!! I felt her very close, like we were doing the right thing, but this morning I felt really disappointed because it was just another dream. I'm always begging for the moment she wakes up and realized how much I care about her. Maybe this friday will be the opportunity, I just wanna know. I will have that HOPE, always

Big white room

Sit in a big, white room alone
Tilt my head back, feel the tears fall down
Close my eyes to see in the dark
I feel young, broken, so, so scared

I don't wanna be here anymore, I wanna be somewhere else
Normal and free like I used to be
But I have to stay in this big, white room
With little old me

I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine
I'm going crazy, yeah, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine

Sitting in a big white room alone
Close the door, don't want the pain to come in, no
I clench my fist and try to stay strong, I cry, I feel sick
My heart's beating, b-b-beating, beating out of control

Can I run, run faster than you? I wanna feel my body again
Feel the wind in my hair
But I have to stay in this big, white room
'Cause no one else cares, no, no, no, no, no, n-n-no, no

I'm going crazy, yeah, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine
I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine

Everybody's looking at me, everybody's staring at me
What do I do now? Smile, yeah, yeah
Everybody's looking at me, everybody's staring at me
What do I do now? Smile, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh

I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine
I'm going cra-c-c-crazy, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine

I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy in this big, white room of mine

Feeling sick

Asdasd: Hello Bonnie Blue. How are you today? It's easter's day! You should be happy!

Bonnie: you know me more than anyone in this world. You know everything about me. You know so much that you can even write a book about my whole life. You know that I am NOT okay. I've been suffering because of him for more than 3 months and these last days I've been feeling very sick about it.

Asdasd: please tell me! What do you feel?

Bonnie: when I talk to him, and he tells me everything, I feel the same he can feel. Don't know why, but it's like he's contaminating me with his feelings. I don't wanna feel this anymore! It makes me feel horrible. Please give me some medicine, some morphine that makes me forget him!!! I'm going crazy!!!

Asdasd: you wanna forget him, do you really think that FORGET is the right word?

Bonnie: don't know. I don't wanna forget him, I really care about him, but I don't want him to control me. I wanna have the decision to think about me, nobody but me! I don't wanna feel sick anymore :(

Asdasd: you should then ask a doctor in a mental hospital. I can see you can't stand it, so please ask ASAP in your school or college from Mr. Tulio. He will help you.

Bonnie: thanks Asdasd! You're always giving me the right answer for everything. I really apreciate it! I won't live without you.

Asdasd: you know i'll be here if you need me, always

Giving up

I don't know how I am alive right now. I cried a lot last night thinking about the same, but I'm out of resources. I just realize that I haven't overcome my first situation and now I have to deal with something similar. The thing is that this isn't my problem, so I don't really know how to deal with!!! I almost hate him because of that. I've been in both sides and I don't care about him anymore. He wouldn't follow me, so this is the first and last day I cry because of him.

I was thinking about something about it... and it was something that really bugs me... He never thanks me!! And he's always complaining and saying I don't help him... maybe that's why I feel about to cry and angry when I look at him :|

From now on I will start to worry about me, I and myself (maybe she will be on my mind as well, as always)

My love right now

"As my life shatters around me I only see you.. As my smile becomes fake and my heart is in two.
I can’t help but think that what we had is now gone.. The tears can’t stop and my heart is torn.
As the years fly by I watch u and slowly get stronger. Then I got to the point I thought I didn’t need u any longer.
But one day you walk right back in my life and smile. And my heart can’t help but beat a thousand miles…
We’re only friend but sure it’s better than nothing. But I sometimes wished things went back to when I imagined u as my husband..
I hide how I feel for you as best as I can now. So I don’t start another war between us and lose the second round…
Even though we’re not together my heart is taken. And maybe ur feelings about me will eventually reawaken…."

Those things you think will never happen

I always thought that being a student was as simple as go to classes, to study and that was it! But I never gave too much thought about the day that I had nothing to do, in a strange place, surrounded by people that don't like me, where nobody cares about me and with the feeling I don't know if I have to be here or not. These are the most frustrated days where I wanna give up, take some money, mi iPod, my camera and run away, get lost in the middle of nowhere, at Into the wild's style, or take a year to find out those famous 'Horrocruxes'. But then I go down to earth and I decide to do it, to go ahead and to pretend I have a happy life and that everything is perfect :D